Stupid Jewish Pigs Wrote the Bible?

Right now I'm sitting on my bed just pondering my day. I tend to do that every night and the fish in my room really get an earful! By the way, do fish have ears? Anyway, today was exceptionally great as well as interesting. Knowing that I was able to sleep a little later today, I took one of my "sleep aids" around 1:00am and slept for about a solid 7 hours. Glory! Later in the day I met some new friends at one of my favorite cafes downtown where we talked about ministry and serving in Moldova. I seriously get so excited when I see and hear about other people serving here!

After our meeting I went to the park and read. I could really do that everyday! I feel like I soak in so much of the culture just sitting and observing. One couple sitting on a bench asked me to take their picture and it was really nice to actually understand what they were saying to me! As I sat I noticed TV camera crews near. So I went to see what was happening and there were people singing (not really singing, just lip synching!) on this small stage outside of the huge Orthodox Church. I was quite entertained and chuckled at the dramatic movements and the attempts of the singers to make us all believe they were really singing. Of course, being me, I walked behind the stage and sat down on a bench right in the middle of the camera shot :) Maybe I made it on TV or something! If so, they caught some interesting faces I ended up making....

I was reading my book and this random man came and sat down beside me and asked me something in Russian. When I told him (in Romanian) that I didn't speak Russian he asked if I spoke English. Man! I was really hoping my Romanian was good enough to make me seem like I belong here! Ha! I said yes, and he asked where I was from. I said SC and he laughed (sort of a creepy laugh, honestly) and said "Yes, I know that you produce a lot of negros." I'm sure my confused look spoke for itself as he laughed again saying "Excuse me!" I still don't know what he was trying to say but I don't think I want to know! Then he asked me what I was reading, to which I replied a historical novel. Intrigued he just stared at me. "I guess he really wants to know what I'm reading," I thought to myself so I showed him the cover (A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers) and said that it was different stories about women in the Bible. and he said "so, you believe in the Bible?" I said yes and before I could get out anything else he said he didn't. I asked him why and he said "Because it was written by stupid Jewish pigs!" Wow, ok. Then he went on some tyrant about Mesopotamia and Anglo Saxons and I got all kinds of confused. I did understand when he said he would not believe in something that's not real to which I replied, "well sir -side note: who uses 'sir' in Europe? Come on Michelle! - I believe that God is real and I believe that He created everything that you do believe is real. Why do I believe this? Because I experience Him in a personal way everyday." He gave one more creepy laugh, said a comment that I would rather not repeat, got up and walked away.

As he was walking away, I have to admit that part of me was relieved because it did get a little creepy at times and I wasn't sure where the conversation was going to go. But, another part of me just watched him walk away and I felt this strong sense of brokenness for this man. I prayed right then that God would reveal Himself to this man in a real, undeniable way. I started thinking about how intentional I am about praying for the lost. Is this man going to remember me or our conversation on the bench? Probably not. Did I gain a point on my scorecard for winning a soul to Christ? No. But, I pray and I hope that he saw a glimpse of Jesus today and that he will continue to see glimpses of Him until he can no longer deny His existence. Every encounter like this makes the command of a Christ follower more clear to me.

The rest of my night was absolutely wonderful minus the impromptu rain shower that decided to randomly appear as I was sitting on the bench reading! I found some shelter and waited for some friends to meet me to grab some dinner. We went to this place I've been wanting to try and it was DELICIOUS!! Seriously, the best pizza I've had in Moldova. I'm now hooked! After this we went to the mall, ate some yummy gelato, and went to the movies. Tonight was my first time ever going to the movie theater in Moldova! Grant it the movie was in Russian (with barely visible Romanian subtitles!) but I didn't care, mostly because I had already seen the movie in English! But if you know me, you know I just love being with friends. I'm so grateful for the people God has put in my life :)

So, now I will go to bed praying for this man who I met today whose name I don't even know. Not only him, but others as well who do not know the saving grace of Jesus. May I never be ungrateful for the ways God chooses to use me to fulfill His plan for the world to be drawn to Him.

"Thank you, dear blog, for saving us from another night of this crazy lady talking to herself!" - From the fish

Rainy Days = Lessons Learned

Hallelujah! The weather FINALLY seems to be stabilizing and getting warmer. There is a very obvious difference in the way people here do life in the spring time versus the winter time. At the beginning of April we had a solid week of wonderful weather. It was perfect: not to hot, not to cold. All you needed was a light jacket. (20 points to the person who can name that movie!) Then something changed. Global warming? Nuclear radiation from Japan? Satan himself? It felt like winter again and for about 10 days I saw zero sunshine. It even snowed and sleeted several times. I have no desire to be out when the weather is like this. I just want to stay inside and whine about how I really want to be outside! Grant it, most of that comes from the fact that I have to walk everywhere and walking in the rain/mud is just not the most pleasant activity ever!

It's days like these that I tend to really question my purpose in being here. I don't ever feel like I misunderstood God's call for me to come to Moldova, but it's easy for the enemy to use my insecurities to make me question if I am being effective for Him. It's days like these when the enemy brings to mind all of the amenities and things about America that I don't have in Moldova (i.e. my car, Walmart, drive thrus, etc.). It's days like these that I remember the times in America when my friends and I knew that rainy days = movie days together. Instead, I'm watching another movie alone.

Insert segue here!

It's also on days like these when God allows me to meet with a friend who does not know Truth! It was during these days that I got to verbally share the Gospel from the beginning to eternity and how it could be personal to my friend! It was during these days that I was able to offer my seat on the ruteria to an elderly woman soaking wet from standing for who knows how long on the street waiting for this one ruteria to come. It was during these days that I knew the words to pray for those around the world who do not have cars, walmarts, drive thrus and who struggle to survive, yet must find a way.

I love how God always knows how to redirect my focus. And, so many times it's through the exact things that try to take my focus FROM Him! He always wins! He demands and deserves glory in all and through all.

Choosing Peace

Sorry for the blogging hiatus. Ever since returning to Moldova from the States I've really tried to focus on adjusting culturally and deepening relationships. The reality that I am leaving in 7 short months is unreal to me. In some ways I feel like I just got here and in others I feel like I've already been here 5 years!

Before I left to go home for Grandma's funeral I was definitely facing some culture shock issues. To be honest, when I left for home a part of me wondered if I would want to return. I was quite pleased when I had the feeling of urgency to return to Moldova and resume life here. I thought that maybe that meant the whole "culture shock" phase was over and everything would be flawless in life and ministry in Moldova. Wishful thinking!

A few short days after returning (mid-February) I found myself in two very unsettling and uncomfortable situations (both in the same night). One was a little less frightening than the other, but I consider it the catalyst to my reaction of the second. The details of what happened are not important, but I feel like my entire personality changed throughout the month after. I became increasing reluctant to leave my apartment due to paranoia and traveling alone (on foot or on public transportation) would trigger small panic attacks. For a few weeks I felt like the worst person on the planet. Here I am trying to be an effective missionary and I'm letting my anxiety control me. After talking with my supervisors and a few close friends here we came up with some practical solutions to help me combat this attack from the enemy.

The most significant change happened yesterday. My pastor and his family have been wanting to live closer to the CCI office and a friend of theirs approached them a few weeks ago asking if they would want to live in their house while they are gone for a year or so. Their house is in Budesti, which is where our office is. The same weekend I was asking my pastor the average cost of a flat in Ciocana (the district closest to my church and office). The next day he told me that they were going to move into the house of their friend and asked me if I would want to rent his flat! So, now I live in Ciocana and I'm close enough to walk to and from church and will only have to ride 1 rutiera to get to the office! I can absolutely see God's hand orchestrating all of this to happen and I'm so grateful. I am very sad though that I do not live with Veronica anymore. That girl is a gift and I am so thankful for her and her friendship!

Emotionally I feel much better. I still struggle with going places alone but I choose to do it. All my life I have believed the reality that you can't control your anxiety. It's just something you live with. That's twisted. I can choose to not let it control and rule my life. And that's what I have to do. My time here will be wasted if I live in fear. After all, at the name of Jesus fear and anxiety have no place in my life.

Now, if only I would believe this every second of every day.

Welcome to my journey....