Oh, what a day...

Today is definitely one of those days where I wish I could throw a brick through a glass door. Or that I could shoot someone. Which ever. Both are good therapy. I just blame it on the fact that I only got close to 3 hours of sleep last night. Seriously, I hate insomnia and the fact that my mind just will not shut off. I had a wonderful conversation with a great friend of mine who left for Africa today to be a missionary there for 2 years. It was really a blessing just to be able to talk and pray with him. Then I talked with another close friend who was supposed to come visit me this weekend. And, because of certain reasons he's not coming. This really saddens me. So, after these calls, it is 3am. At 4am I finally decide to go sleep on the couch because it's definitely not happening in my bed. So I lay there for a while and then finally nod off only for my blasted alarm to go off at 6:45. Then I had to deal with irritating people today. Ok, I'm done venting. Sorry.

God has really been kicking my butt lately with a few different verses. I have been meditating on a passage in 1 Timothy the last few weeks and the Lord is really stretching me with this thought. First of all, my strength comes from Him and Him alone. It does not come from my friends, my family, my comforts, etc. If I am not relying on His strength then I am not going to make it! Second, I was once ignorant and sometimes I still act that way. Sometimes it is just easy to act the way I want to act and completely ignore Christ and his desire to be active and involved in my life. Third, God has given me more than I will ever need. He is my supply. Just because I may not have something I want, does not mean that I don't have everything that I need. And, the amazing thing is that I have His grace and mercy! Not only do I have it, but I have it abundantly! Fourth, Paul is the man! I mean seriously! He calls himself the worst of sinners, yet acknowledges that it is because of this that Christ showed him mercy. This is me! This is us! And then, we are called to be examples to the world of Christ's love and mercy. I do not do the best job at being the best example. In fact, I kinda suck at it. But, that is my calling. (Not to suck, but to be a good example!) Fifth, I notice that Paul focuses on God's unlimited patience....a concept that I can't wrap my mind around. My small human mind will not allow me to be patient for more than 5 minutes. How in the heck can He show unlimited patience to 6 billion people? Finally, I recognize that Paul just busts out in spontaneous worship in verse 17. That is cool.

There are people in my life who I consider "Pauls." It is these people who challenge me to grow closer to Christ, who call me out in love when I am messing up, and those who show me way more patience than I deserve. When I think about my friends who are involved in different ministries and are serving in different parts of the country and world, I am so humbled. These are my "Pauls." And it's not just "vocational ministry" I'm talking about, but it's also the everyday "normal" jobs...teacher, administrator, food service, business, etc. So many people have made huge differences in my life.

I'm really learning (finally) what it means to put Jesus first. I will not always grasp the concept, and I will mess it up time and time again. But, it's these moments when things really click and I see where God has changed me that make me so thankful for what He's done in my life the last year. He is my strength, my abundant supplier, and my everything. Once I grasp that, He makes everything else fall into place.

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God,
be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen