I have been in Moldova for 2 months now. Some would say that I should still be in the "honeymoon" phase. I thought so too. Well, lately I have come face to face with differences in my home culture and my new culture that have caused me to feel frustration, sadness, loneliness, and worthlessness. It's nothing that is life altering, but something that has affected me. Thankfully, God is giving me courage to speak when I need to speak and patience to wait when I need to wait. I am learning to discern better what is meant when something is said and when something is done.
One week ago I learned that my grandmother had a stroke. She didn't even have to go to the hospital so I thought that it was very mild and had no effect on her. Well, I found out on Monday that she had to be taken to the ER because her blood pressure was incredibly high and she was not herself. From there it was like a snowball effect. Her oxygen levels were low, she had an a-fib during the night, and the doctors found that she was aspirating in her lungs. Everyday I felt like it was harder and harder to breathe. I saw where all of my family was coming in from out of town to see her because she was not doing well at all and here I was...5000+ miles away. I could not function. My mind was consumed with wanting to be home and be by her side. I think I cried one day for a solid 4 hours without stopping. I lost all sense of focus and purpose for being here in Moldova. I was angry that God was going to take my grandma while I was gone. Nothing could comfort me. I looked for a plane ticket home and was ready to purchase. I was just waiting for the first person in my family to say "come home." But I did not hear those words. Every one in my family said the same thing. "You need to stay, Michelle. You have a purpose there. You are there to do great things. Stay." I could not talk to anyone outside of my family, with the exception being a friend who has recently experienced the same thing.
Wednesday evening rolled around and my sister told me that grandma had turned a corner and she had improved drastically. One thing that has never changed about my grandma is how much of a fighter she is. She is the strongest, most amazing 93 year old woman I've ever been privileged to know. The doctors were even saying that she would get to go home, provided nothing more happened. On Thursday she was released from the hospital. She must have speech therapy and physical therapy as the stroke greatly affected her speech and right side of the body. And, she still has to put thickening powder in her drink in order to make sure it goes to her stomach instead of her lungs. But she is home. And according to my family, she is slowly getting back to normal. Now, I'm breathing.
One of the greatest blessings during the week was being able to both see and talk to grandma everyday through my sister's itouch. If that wasn't working I could call for free through my gmail to her hospital room. I'm not really able to describe my gratitude to God for allowing her to pull through and share more days of life with us here. I don't know how many she has left, but I pray that I will be able to see her again when I return to the States. One thing that I was reminded of through Scripture and prayer this week is that everything about this life is temporary and that if we are in Christ, we have a greater purpose than just to survive. We are commanded to be part of the mission of God. It was incredibly hard but I meditated on Luke 9:62 this week. "Jesus said to him, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.'" When we accept the call to follow Christ we agree to move forward and sacrifice the things of this life that are temporary. The hard, yet true, reality is that my grandmother does not belong to me. If God chooses to bring her into His presence, not only can he do it, but he has the right to do it. It's lessons like this that only seem to make sense to me when I'm in the fire. I'm grateful, however, for the Teacher.
So, some of you have prayed for something this week for me. Maybe you were not sure what you were praying for, but this was it. I just could not bring myself to lay it all out there on facebook or through an email to my supporters. I'm sorry for that. But I continue to be encouraged and exceedingly grateful for your prayers and involvement in my life. I hope that I will never have a week like this again, but when I read Scripture I'm told that there will not only be weeks like this one, but seasons. I pray that God will continue equipping, molding, and preparing me to face times like this with integrity, honor, and grace.
By the way, this picture was taken of my grandma during speech therapy in the hospital. It's now the desktop background on my computer :) I just love this woman!
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